We all know it’s spring/summer and along with that comes wedding season. Everyone and the dog is getting engaged or married. I LOVE WEDDINGS! I don’t like to think of myself as the conformity type, but I’m the typical girl who grew up dreaming of her wedding – watching endless hours of David Tutera and Say Yes to The Dress. I’ve gone from wanting an extravagant and elegant ‘night to remember’ to a simple backyard fiesta. Planning, dreaming, wishing, waiting – for my turn.
For those that don’t know me, I’ve been with my significant other since we were 14. So, over 10 years. Sure, dating might not count when you’re 14 and all you do is hold hands on the school bus – but still. Over ten years have passed and NO RING yet. I’ve watched everyone in my nursing school class get married, have kids, etc. Some even got divorced and then remarried in that same time frame. Facebook is my worst enemy sometimes!
I’m such an extremist on both ends on this issue, which isn’t healthy for my state of mind (haha).
One day I’m like, “Renee – Love is magical and you should be happy for everyone. Don’t you dare base your relationship off of others. Just because people meet and get engaged the same year doesn’t mean they are going to last or be happy. They haven’t lived together for years like you two and they haven’t been through the hardships you have been through. When/If you ever get married, you will have all of the details figured out – and the marriage will really be a fairytale! He has loved and supported you and cared for you more than anyone ever could.”
But then the next day (sometimes the next ten minutes) I’m like,
“Why am I not good enough? Shouldn’t he KNOW by now? What the HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS KID!? Is it ever going to be about LOVE now – or just the about ‘right time’? Is there ever even a right time? Is he second guessing? Am I not even worth an ENGAGEMENT? pshhh. Did I make too many mistakes in my life already and ruined things? Screw him. I’m done.”
And it’s hard – ’cause we are still young, and I don’t know how to handle the issue of waiting vs leaving – where do I draw that line and give myself that ultimatum?
And just when I was sanding away at another cake stand for a customer…
I got the call:
His sister,, who is two years younger than me, got engaged. To her first ever real boyfriend, whom she has known for less than a year.
I tried to smile..
but really was thinking,
I congratulated her, of course. I love her to death. Him? Hmmm. I don’t know him that well, let’s just say that. I am so happy for her happiness – and wish her all the love in the world. But still, a little part of me on the inside was steaming…
Maybe my day will come, maybe it won’t. Maybe I just need to stop stewing over an issue that in the past was based off a business transaction. It’s a piece of paper, right? More taxes! It’s a day that too many people spend too much money on and get overly stressed about. We already share everything except a last name. But still, there’s that stupid girly romantic part of me that can’t get over wanting to feel that electricity of getting asked and that feeling of knowing that this was all worth it.
For now, I’ve learned 3 lessons: