Punch in the gut – Wedding Season edition

We all know it’s spring/summer and along with that comes wedding season. Everyone and the dog is getting engaged or married. I LOVE WEDDINGS! I don’t like to think of myself as the conformity type, but I’m the typical girl who grew up dreaming of her wedding – watching endless hours of David Tutera and Say Yes to The Dress. I’ve gone from wanting an extravagant and elegant ‘night to remember’ to a simple backyard fiesta. Planning, dreaming, wishing, waiting – for my turn.

For those that don’t know me, I’ve been with my significant other since we were 14. So, over 10 years. Sure, dating might not count when you’re 14 and all you do is hold hands on the school bus – but still. Over ten years have passed and NO RING yet. I’ve watched everyone in my nursing school class get married, have kids, etc. Some even got divorced and then remarried in that same time frame. Facebook is my worst enemy sometimes!

I’m such an extremist on both ends on this issue, which isn’t healthy for my state of mind (haha).

One day I’m like, “Renee – Love is magical and you should be happy for everyone. Don’t you dare base your relationship off of others. Just because people meet and get engaged the same year doesn’t mean they are going to last or be happy. They haven’t lived together for years like you two and they haven’t been through the hardships you have been through. When/If you ever get married, you will have all of the details figured out – and the marriage will really be a fairytale! He has loved and supported you and cared for you more than anyone ever could.”

But then the next day (sometimes the next ten minutes) I’m like,

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“Why am I not good enough? Shouldn’t he KNOW by now? What the HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS KID!? Is it ever going to be about LOVE now – or just the about ‘right time’? Is there ever even a right time? Is he second guessing? Am I not even worth an ENGAGEMENT? pshhh. Did I make too many mistakes in my life already and ruined things? Screw him. I’m done.”

And it’s hard – ’cause we are still young, and I don’t know how to handle the issue of waiting vs leaving – where do I draw that line and give myself that ultimatum?

And just when I was sanding away at another cake stand for a customer…

I got the call:

His sister,, who is two years younger than me, got engaged. To her first ever real boyfriend, whom she has known for less than a year.

I tried to smile..

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but really was thinking,

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……………….

I congratulated her, of course. I love her to death. Him? Hmmm. I don’t know him that well, let’s just say that. I am so happy for her happiness – and wish her all the love in the world. But still, a little part of me on the inside was steaming…

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Maybe my day will come, maybe it won’t. Maybe I just need to stop stewing over an issue that in the past was based off a business transaction. It’s a piece of paper, right? More taxes!  It’s a day that too many people spend too much money on and get overly stressed about. We already share everything except a last name. But still, there’s that stupid girly romantic part of me that can’t get over wanting to feel that electricity of getting asked and that feeling of knowing that this was all worth it.

For now, I’ve learned 3 lessons:

1.

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2.

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3.

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There are 8 comments

  1. Anjali Chudasama

    Hey Renee! I can only draw conclusions from my experiences and observations. But you are young and have your whole life in front of you. If marriage is what you want, then I understand. You are extremely talented and can do a lot. On the other hand, when I guy knows, he knows. It does not take a long time. Again, unsolicited advice but thought I would at least show you another point of view. I have this other motto in life: If you wanted it, you didn’t get it, you don’t need it! It has worked for me. Good luck, in time, you will get your answer if you take the time to hear what your heart really wants!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. RunBikeThrow

    As a man, I take exception to your lesson #2. Not all of us are fat.
    On a (slightly) more serious note – I wonder how many women would trade their wedding rings for what you have, ten years of a happy relationship.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Renee

      Hahaha. Sorry if I offended any of you men! And yes, I’d gladly take happy years over a diamond…It’s not even the material ‘ring’ I want, it’s more maybe the traditional concept of ‘making it official’? Who knows what goes through my crazy woman hormonal mind.

      Have a great night!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. auroraroschen

    If your man knows you want official commitment and hasn’t delivered after ten years together – as someone whose boyfriend proposed and then realized his commitment issues and and called off the wedding – I think it’s time for a hard conversation where you get to the root issue: Is it really about the right timing? Or is there an underlying commitment issue?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. joleneee421

    I come from a similar situation having been with my boyfriend for 8 years. We started dating when we were 17, so still rather young. Every time someone else gets engaged I battle not being incredibly jealous and being extremely happy for the other person. Of course I’m excited for them, but it should be us next! However, I know that the reason why he hasn’t is because he wants us to be in a place financially where we can start a family and cash flow a wedding. I keep saying the next time someone asks me when we’re getting married, my answer will be “when you pay for it!”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Renee

      Thanks for sharing! Maybe I’m just being too much of a ‘romantic’ or overly analytical. We were together since we were 14/15, so same situation being young starting out. Plus, we are super poor. I just didn’t want our wedding to be about money when we share ‘more’ love and bond than some of the other couples i see out there getting hitched after 4 months! ahh. I guess we do something about it or wait patiently. 😉 haha. Have a great day!

      Like

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